Questioner: While we deal with difficult relationships, where one cannot avoid the other person, be it the boss or your wife. More often than not, I feel out of control and the whole environment seems to be conniving against me. Can I deal with this situation on my own? Is it okay to blame somebody else? What do you suggest is the way to get back to life in a positive way?
Sadhguru: See, the best thing about this is, you’re only facing one of them, either boss or the wife, never two of them together. So, you can oscillate, you know. As a military man, you can escape the wife for some time, and you can escape the boss for some time – unlike other jobs where every day they have to face! I’m sorry, I’m just joking like this.
Anyway, see, you can neither live without your wife nor your boss – both are important in your life. You sought the career and you got into the job, you got a boss. You sought relationship, you got into marriage and you got a wife. So, these are things that you aspired for. When things that you aspire for happen, then you suffer – this must be looked at.
This is not about the wife, this is not about the boss. This is something to do with yourself. Because human beings have gotten into this place, wherever you place them, they have found a way to suffer. Why are you guys so serious? Come on!
Interviewer: Sir, I think we are wearing masks, that’s why probably…
Sadhguru: Oh, I am not able to see you smile. I am sorry, but I thought that I will hear some laughter at least, so let me tell you a joke.
This happened – one day Shankaran Pillai had a mega fight with his wife. Then in a fit of fury, he left the home and walked away in the evening. He loitered here and there, just outside the town he was moving around, not knowing where to go, what to do. Going back home immediately was not palatable.
Then he saw a sadhu, a sanyasi was settling down beneath the tree for the evening or the night. He looked at him, and he seemed to be very well-organized, and absolutely no issues, under the tree, he seems to be perfectly fine. Then he went to him and said, “Sadhu Maharaj, biwi bahut pareshan de raha hai. Kuch sulabh upai hai toh bolo ” The Sadhu glared at him like this, “Bewakoof, sulabh upai hay toh mein kyun sadhu banke yahan baith raha hun!”
So, see, we say this – life is like juggling a ball. If you’re alone, just one ball, easy to do. You become two – two balls, little more difficult, needs more attention. Then you became four, you have four balls to juggle. Then you have an Indian Army on you, you have ten thousand balls to juggle, or do you? So, how many balls can you juggle joyfully, that’s how many you should pick up.
If you aspire or enhance your activity without enhancing yourself, activity will cause misery. So, people, you know, one top executive in the country of an international company, a global CEO, came to me some time ago and in a deep state of distress and said, “Sadhguru, I can’t take this, they’re putting so much stress on me.” I looked at him and said, “Okay then, may you be fired.” He said, “No, no, Sadhguru, what are you saying?” I said, “Hey, you’re suffering your job so much. I’m sure there’re many people who are aspiring for your job. If you get fired, you can walk the beach happily.” “No, no, no, Sadhguru, don’t do that to me.”
So, if you’re in the job, you will suffer. You will get fired, you suffer. If you’re married, you will suffer. If you’re not married, you suffer. What is the problem? The problem is this – this one [self], not with the wife, not with the boss, not with the world. Whatever they may be, I’m not trying to defend them. They may be anything, but whether I suffer or don’t suffer is essentially with me. As I said earlier, what the world throws at you is not your choice, what you make out of it is one hundred percent your choice. This is what karma means. When I say my life is my karma – wife is somehow, boss is somehow, the world around you is somehow, all kinds of nuisance happening, but I keep this one [self] the way I want.
I know you face different kind of enemy, but we face all kinds of people every day. People that I have never met, that I do not know they’re spewing venom on me on daily basis. I don’t know from where that venom comes, maybe it’s just extra protein in their body, I don’t know. But they go on endlessly, doing all kinds of things, putting all kinds of obstacles to everything that we do. Everything that we do is inclusive for larger well-being, but they don’t like it. There are people campaigning right now against me today, that tree planting is dangerous. Okay, your existence itself is dangerous.
So, what people do to you, what the world does to you, this is how it is. What do you want to do to yourself, that is in your hands – this is your karma. This is what it means by saying, “My life is my karma,” means the way I am is hundred percent mine. Nobody – nobody can decide how I will be right now. It’s me who decides how I am right now. If you decide how you are right now, will you keep yourself blissful or miserable? If you can answer this one question, all of you.