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Family

Talks

How do we know what’s most important? | Sadhguru at Columbia University | #2

Synopsis: So, on the note of purpose, one thing that I think that I’m constantly chasing is, and I would say I don’t know when I’ve reached it, the pursuit of happiness. I think everyone in this room at some point, maybe now you’re asking yourself, or if you ask yourself like have you reached your pursuit of happiness in kind of understanding why it can be elusive? For...

... me, happiness is, like I think of my family because they’re such a critical piece to my love and happiness. But oftentimes I feel like I lose sight of it. When I’m in this room, when I’m at Columbia Business School, when I’m at work. Because I’m trying to get to that next level, ultimately to help my family. But, how do we keep track of what’s most important? And that purpose for me being my family, and the pursuit of happiness.

Synopsis: So, on the note of purpose, one thing that I think that I’m constantly...

... chasing is, and I would say I don’t know when I’ve reached it, the pursuit of happiness. I think everyone in this room at some point, maybe now you’re asking yourself, or if you ask yourself like have you reached your pursuit of happiness in kind of understanding why it can be elusive? For me, happiness is, like I think of my family because they’re such a critical piece to my love and happiness. But oftentimes I feel like I lose sight of it. When I’m in this room, when I’m at Columbia Business School, when I’m at work. Because I’m trying to get to that next level, ultimately to help my family. But, how do we keep track of what’s most important? And that purpose for me being my family, and the pursuit of happiness.

January 7, 2021

11:08

Relationships / Video

How to handle an irritating spouse?

Transcript: This question is from Deepika. Sadhguru you said in one of the darshan that you are, you should treat everyone just as you treat me. Sadhguru you are a Karuna-avatar, but I have one inhuman, nasty creature in my home. It becomes difficult to see you in him. How to deal with him in this situation? In how many years of marriage does this evolution happen? Or it's a devolution. I'm sure he was a wonderful,...

... romantic wonderful man at one time. I don't know in how many years of marriage does he become a nasty creature. And how much role you have in making of a nasty creature. See, especially if he is nasty creature, especially, if it is so, this is your perception. But, especially if somebody is a nasty creature in your home or in your office or wherever you are. You seeing something in a certain way, is not about them. It's about you. Do you want to keep your eyes, your mind, your heart, your body pleasant or unpleasant? You make up your mind on that one. Now if you look at him, I said even that nasty creature, please look at him it's like me. I am not telling you that you have to listen to his teaching or take new practices from him. No. I am saying, if you have looked at me with a certain sense of reverence, devotion, love, affection, whatever is your emotion. If you have, please see everything with that because all I'm saying is, you have a body, you have a mind, you have emotion, energy. We're talking about your emotion right now. If you hit a certain level of sweetness of emotion at one point in your life, either because of your love or devotion or compassion of whatever, you hit a certain level of sweetness, this is the high point in your life. Now you should not come back from that, you must see how to go beyond that. I am saying, whatever was the highest or the sweetest or the most wonderful emotion, you have, make that the baseline. Why are you coming back again? If you did not know such an emotion, then what would I tell you, which is the sweetest emotion you had in your life? My child. Okay see, everybody as your child, we've told you that at one time. Then I saw you sat here with tears of blissfulness and love coming out of you, then I said see everybody as you're looking at me right now. Because this will make your eyes, your mind, your heart, your body, and your very being sweet and wonderful. This is not about him. Especially if he is being difficult, then you are being well trained, even if you go to hell you will do well.

Transcript: This question is from Deepika. Sadhguru you said in one of the darshan that you are, you should treat...

... everyone just as you treat me. Sadhguru you are a Karuna-avatar, but I have one inhuman, nasty creature in my home. It becomes difficult to see you in him. How to deal with him in this situation? In how many years of marriage does this evolution happen? Or it's a devolution. I'm sure he was a wonderful, romantic wonderful man at one time. I don't know in how many years of marriage does he become a nasty creature. And how much role you have in making of a nasty creature. See, especially if he is nasty creature, especially, if it is so, this is your perception. But, especially if somebody is a nasty creature in your home or in your office or wherever you are. You seeing something in a certain way, is not about them. It's about you. Do you want to keep your eyes, your mind, your heart, your body pleasant or unpleasant? You make up your mind on that one. Now if you look at him, I said even that nasty creature, please look at him it's like me. I am not telling you that you have to listen to his teaching or take new practices from him. No. I am saying, if you have looked at me with a certain sense of reverence, devotion, love, affection, whatever is your emotion. If you have, please see everything with that because all I'm saying is, you have a body, you have a mind, you have emotion, energy. We're talking about your emotion right now. If you hit a certain level of sweetness of emotion at one point in your life, either because of your love or devotion or compassion of whatever, you hit a certain level of sweetness, this is the high point in your life. Now you should not come back from that, you must see how to go beyond that. I am saying, whatever was the highest or the sweetest or the most wonderful emotion, you have, make that the baseline. Why are you coming back again? If you did not know such an emotion, then what would I tell you, which is the sweetest emotion you had in your life? My child. Okay see, everybody as your child, we've told you that at one time. Then I saw you sat here with tears of blissfulness and love coming out of you, then I said see everybody as you're looking at me right now. Because this will make your eyes, your mind, your heart, your body, and your very being sweet and wonderful. This is not about him. Especially if he is being difficult, then you are being well trained, even if you go to hell you will do well.

October 28, 2020

3:59

Parenting / Video

How to become a good parent?

Transcript: Fundamentally we must understand, life needs nurture, atmosphere. Not fixing. Nothing to be fixed about it. It just needs an atmosphere where it will flourish best. What grows in Southern California will not grow in Minnesota, isn't it? That kind of life needs that kind of atmosphere, that kind of nurture. Only then it'll happen. So this is something that we have to pay attention to. There is no involvement....

... We want everything ready-made, we are looking at a ready-made solution. There's no ready-made solution to life. Life can only happen with enormouse involvement. There's simply no other way to do it. Where there is no involvement, there is no experience of life. Isn't it? Hello? Whether it's a simple food that you eat, or something that you look at, or who you live with, or what you do, or at the highest level whatever you'll do in your life. Without involvement, there is no life. But right now, modern societies are trying to do life with information, not with involvement. This is a big mistake. You have no information about your child. You can go to all the variety of doctors and get all their ideas about what your child is. All they will tell you is that he is sick in a hundred different ways. Okay? No, you don't need any information about your child, you need involvement. With involvement, you will bring that life to its best. It need not be as good as somebody else, or as bad as somebody else, because it's a unique life. Is there one life like another? It's a unique life. But, right from day 1 we are comparing it to another life and trying to make it like that one. This is a very cruel process for the child. The child never understands what the hell the parents want. I never understood. Nobody ever explained to me, why the hell I should go to school. So I never went. Because nobody explained to me why I have to go to school. They said, no no, you have to go to school. Why? I'm doing fine. Why should I go to school? No, because we think information is going to transform us. No. Information facilitates a few things. But it's involvement which transforms us, isn't it? Absolute involvement in something, it doesn't matter what it is. Total involvement with something, suddenly you find that human being is of a different nature, isn't it? So, that's all it takes. Involvement.

Transcript: Fundamentally we must understand, life needs nurture, atmosphere. Not fixing. Nothing to be fixed about...

... it. It just needs an atmosphere where it will flourish best. What grows in Southern California will not grow in Minnesota, isn't it? That kind of life needs that kind of atmosphere, that kind of nurture. Only then it'll happen. So this is something that we have to pay attention to. There is no involvement. We want everything ready-made, we are looking at a ready-made solution. There's no ready-made solution to life. Life can only happen with enormouse involvement. There's simply no other way to do it. Where there is no involvement, there is no experience of life. Isn't it? Hello? Whether it's a simple food that you eat, or something that you look at, or who you live with, or what you do, or at the highest level whatever you'll do in your life. Without involvement, there is no life. But right now, modern societies are trying to do life with information, not with involvement. This is a big mistake. You have no information about your child. You can go to all the variety of doctors and get all their ideas about what your child is. All they will tell you is that he is sick in a hundred different ways. Okay? No, you don't need any information about your child, you need involvement. With involvement, you will bring that life to its best. It need not be as good as somebody else, or as bad as somebody else, because it's a unique life. Is there one life like another? It's a unique life. But, right from day 1 we are comparing it to another life and trying to make it like that one. This is a very cruel process for the child. The child never understands what the hell the parents want. I never understood. Nobody ever explained to me, why the hell I should go to school. So I never went. Because nobody explained to me why I have to go to school. They said, no no, you have to go to school. Why? I'm doing fine. Why should I go to school? No, because we think information is going to transform us. No. Information facilitates a few things. But it's involvement which transforms us, isn't it? Absolute involvement in something, it doesn't matter what it is. Total involvement with something, suddenly you find that human being is of a different nature, isn't it? So, that's all it takes. Involvement.

September 27, 2020

3:13

Parenting / Video

How to bring up your children

Transcript: We must understand this, a child is not an industrial product. A child is a life, a fresh life. You are supposed to nurture this life. It's not that you put it through some kind of an industrial process called a school. It's like an industry. Everybody is taught the same damn thing, everybody is supposed to go through the same thing. And come out the same way and find a job and serve something, somewhere....

... This is not what human life is about. There is an innate genius in every human being. Do we have the patience and the commitment and the dedication to pay the necessary attention to bring that out in a specific human being? That's a big question. Otherwise, you will produce dumplings. All the same. Okay? So, once you have a child, before you have a child, you must understand. A child means a 20 year project, full on. That is if they do well. If they don't do well, it's a lifelong project. Because it's a life. One life may blossom at 12, another may blossom at 40. Do you have the patience to nurture that life? Or have you already set the thing, by the time you finish high school you must be in this university, that university, you must be doing this or that? It's all fixed up. Common prescription for all life. This is what we're doing, this is supposed to be civilization. This is not civilization, this is just escape from life. We want to escape the fundamental process of life. In tribal societies and other traditional societies, even today, nobody expects a man or a woman has to become like this at a certain time. Depending on each life, how they progress, everybody is valued for who they are. If you plant this chrysanthemum in your house, in three months it's full of flowers. If you plant an oak tree, 80 years, 10 years, nothing happens. So you want to chop it down? Hello? None of them would be. If you went by these standards, see this one, how well it is doing, in three months how many flowers. You fool you're doing nothing. This is not the way to handle life, isn't it? This is not an industrial product.

Transcript: We must understand this, a child is not an industrial product. A child is a life, a fresh life. You are...

... supposed to nurture this life. It's not that you put it through some kind of an industrial process called a school. It's like an industry. Everybody is taught the same damn thing, everybody is supposed to go through the same thing. And come out the same way and find a job and serve something, somewhere. This is not what human life is about. There is an innate genius in every human being. Do we have the patience and the commitment and the dedication to pay the necessary attention to bring that out in a specific human being? That's a big question. Otherwise, you will produce dumplings. All the same. Okay? So, once you have a child, before you have a child, you must understand. A child means a 20 year project, full on. That is if they do well. If they don't do well, it's a lifelong project. Because it's a life. One life may blossom at 12, another may blossom at 40. Do you have the patience to nurture that life? Or have you already set the thing, by the time you finish high school you must be in this university, that university, you must be doing this or that? It's all fixed up. Common prescription for all life. This is what we're doing, this is supposed to be civilization. This is not civilization, this is just escape from life. We want to escape the fundamental process of life. In tribal societies and other traditional societies, even today, nobody expects a man or a woman has to become like this at a certain time. Depending on each life, how they progress, everybody is valued for who they are. If you plant this chrysanthemum in your house, in three months it's full of flowers. If you plant an oak tree, 80 years, 10 years, nothing happens. So you want to chop it down? Hello? None of them would be. If you went by these standards, see this one, how well it is doing, in three months how many flowers. You fool you're doing nothing. This is not the way to handle life, isn't it? This is not an industrial product.

September 26, 2020

3:05

Relationships / Video

Arranged marriage or Love marriage – which is a better?

Transcript: Marriage is not about how it happened, who arranged it. Your parents arranged it, or a commercial website arranged it, a dating app arranged it, or a local bar arranged it when you were fuzzy. Or your confused friends arranged it, or your confused self arranged it. Well, anyway, it's an arrangement. It is best it is arranged by responsible, sensible people. This idea, arranged marriage means some kind...

... of a slavery. Well, that depends. As there are exploitative people everywhere, sometimes your parents themselves may be exploitative, they may be doing things for their own reasons. Their stupid prestige, their wealth, their nonsense. They may be doing it for those reasons. So, this whole debate about, is arrange marriage better or meeting in the local bar is better. Well, I think when you're not little for doubt, I think your decisions are little better. If an 18-20 year old man or woman, young man or young woman want to marry, who will they marry? Their contact is just there. Within those 10 people that they know in their life, one guy or one girl you marry. Within 3 months you will know. But in most countries, there is a law, at least 2 years you must suffer. It's like a jail term. If you make a mistake, at least 2 years you must suffer. Then only you can divorce. Most nations have this. Well, many religions have fixed it that divorce is completely wrong. You cannot divorce. But, where such religions are practiced, there the divorce rates are highest. So, God's dictates are not able to stop the break ups. Law is not able to stop the break ups. You need to understand this, when parents organize, you must, I'm asking you a basic question. Do you believe, their judgement may not be the best, but parents have the best interest of yours. But if you have matured beyond them, that's different. You can make your own decisions. But, arranged marriage is a wrong terminology. All marriages are arranged. By whom, is the only question. I think it's best it's arrange by people who are most concerned about your well-being. Who have a larger reach of, because you can't find the best man, or the best woman in the world. Because we don't know where the hell they are.

Transcript: Marriage is not about how it happened, who arranged it. Your parents arranged it, or a commercial website...

... arranged it, a dating app arranged it, or a local bar arranged it when you were fuzzy. Or your confused friends arranged it, or your confused self arranged it. Well, anyway, it's an arrangement. It is best it is arranged by responsible, sensible people. This idea, arranged marriage means some kind of a slavery. Well, that depends. As there are exploitative people everywhere, sometimes your parents themselves may be exploitative, they may be doing things for their own reasons. Their stupid prestige, their wealth, their nonsense. They may be doing it for those reasons. So, this whole debate about, is arrange marriage better or meeting in the local bar is better. Well, I think when you're not little for doubt, I think your decisions are little better. If an 18-20 year old man or woman, young man or young woman want to marry, who will they marry? Their contact is just there. Within those 10 people that they know in their life, one guy or one girl you marry. Within 3 months you will know. But in most countries, there is a law, at least 2 years you must suffer. It's like a jail term. If you make a mistake, at least 2 years you must suffer. Then only you can divorce. Most nations have this. Well, many religions have fixed it that divorce is completely wrong. You cannot divorce. But, where such religions are practiced, there the divorce rates are highest. So, God's dictates are not able to stop the break ups. Law is not able to stop the break ups. You need to understand this, when parents organize, you must, I'm asking you a basic question. Do you believe, their judgement may not be the best, but parents have the best interest of yours. But if you have matured beyond them, that's different. You can make your own decisions. But, arranged marriage is a wrong terminology. All marriages are arranged. By whom, is the only question. I think it's best it's arrange by people who are most concerned about your well-being. Who have a larger reach of, because you can't find the best man, or the best woman in the world. Because we don't know where the hell they are.

August 24, 2020

3:39

Relationships / Video

Are marriages made in heaven?

Transcript: Where all they've been saying marriages are made in heaven. But you're cooking hell within you. Marriage is made in heaven. That's why a lot of people want to go there soon. Because it's made there, they want to go there and settle it. No. You need to understand, to fulfil you needs. Physical, psychological, emotional, social, and various other needs. You're coming together. If you always remember...

... to fulfil my needs, I'm with you, you will conduct this responsibly. Initially you're like that. After some time you think, he or she needs you. Then you will start acting vanterly. Then, of course, ugliness will start in many different ways. This happened. A young man and a very young woman got engaged. So once the, not like this, there must be a stone. Once the ring went in, the lady held his hand and said, "You can lean on me to share your pains, your struggles, your, whatever sufferings you go through. You can always share with me." The guy said, "Well, I don't have any struggles, or pains, or problems." She said, "Well, we're not yet married." So, if you think you're full of pain, struggles, problems, and you need somebody to lean on, well that'll be trouble. You make yourself into a joyful, wonderful human being, then you will see, your work also will be wonderful, your home also will be wonderful, your marriage will be wonderful. Everything will be wonderful because you are. Without fixing this, you think somebody else is going to fix you, then there's going to be trouble for you. And of course, an unfortunate consequence for the other person.

Transcript: Where all they've been saying marriages are made in heaven. But you're cooking hell within you. Marriage...

... is made in heaven. That's why a lot of people want to go there soon. Because it's made there, they want to go there and settle it. No. You need to understand, to fulfil you needs. Physical, psychological, emotional, social, and various other needs. You're coming together. If you always remember to fulfil my needs, I'm with you, you will conduct this responsibly. Initially you're like that. After some time you think, he or she needs you. Then you will start acting vanterly. Then, of course, ugliness will start in many different ways. This happened. A young man and a very young woman got engaged. So once the, not like this, there must be a stone. Once the ring went in, the lady held his hand and said, "You can lean on me to share your pains, your struggles, your, whatever sufferings you go through. You can always share with me." The guy said, "Well, I don't have any struggles, or pains, or problems." She said, "Well, we're not yet married." So, if you think you're full of pain, struggles, problems, and you need somebody to lean on, well that'll be trouble. You make yourself into a joyful, wonderful human being, then you will see, your work also will be wonderful, your home also will be wonderful, your marriage will be wonderful. Everything will be wonderful because you are. Without fixing this, you think somebody else is going to fix you, then there's going to be trouble for you. And of course, an unfortunate consequence for the other person.

August 23, 2020

2:54

Relationships / Video

In the times of Corona Virus – how to deal with lazy husband stubborn parents and bored children?

Synopsis: A lady asks Sadhguru - "Please guide the women of the country, who are dealing with lazy partners, stubborn parents and bored children on how to coexist compassionately amidst all the chaos. When household work load has increased and our work front identity has disappeared?" Sadhguru gives one simple way by which you can fix all this in one day!

Synopsis: A lady asks Sadhguru - "Please guide the women of the country, who are dealing with lazy partners, stubborn...

... parents and bored children on how to coexist compassionately amidst all the chaos. When household work load has increased and our work front identity has disappeared?" Sadhguru gives one simple way by which you can fix all this in one day!

June 16, 2020

5:25

Life Wisdom / Society / Video

Should Abortion be a Woman’s right?

Synopsis: Should there be laws governing Abortion or is it a women's right to decide? Is abortion not the same as terminating a life and hence a criminal act? How long into pregnancy should you allow it? Sadhguru's response on this tricky and controversial topic leaves everyone applauding.....

Synopsis: Should there be laws governing Abortion or is it a women's right to decide? Is abortion not the same...

... as terminating a life and hence a criminal act? How long into pregnancy should you allow it? Sadhguru's response on this tricky and controversial topic leaves everyone applauding.....

October 21, 2019

06:16

Parenting / Video

How To Bring Up Your Children?

Synopsis: In this short but powerful talk, Sadhguru tells us that we have made education into an industry, and a child into an industrial product. Each life is unique, and we should strive to provide an atmosphere where this life will blossom. Sadhguru tells, bringing up a child is a 20 year project, and one must have the commitment and patience to nurture a fresh life. There are no ready-made solutions - it...

... needs total involvement. A must watch for all parents.

Synopsis: In this short but powerful talk, Sadhguru tells us that we have made education into an industry, and...

... a child into an industrial product. Each life is unique, and we should strive to provide an atmosphere where this life will blossom. Sadhguru tells, bringing up a child is a 20 year project, and one must have the commitment and patience to nurture a fresh life. There are no ready-made solutions - it needs total involvement. A must watch for all parents.

December 19, 2017

6:10

Articles

Article / Lifestyle / Society

Should Mothers Work & Pursue Careers?

If there is a financial requirement in the family, women should work and contribute to the needs of the family. However, if the need is because of social compulsions and not financial, then it's not needed that every woman should work. In the last 40-50 years this idea has come, that you are a real woman, only if you earn. This is borrowed from a man's mind and is not needed. Woman should see how to enhance the feminine. Sadhguru shares his experience of his mother, and how she made a difference in his family.

read full article

June 14, 2019

4 min read

Article / Relationships

Are Marriages made in heaven?

Does a perfect companion exists and has God already chosen the 'right' person already for you? People may seek a mate for physical, mental or emotional reasons- but it will be wise to recognise the limitations that exists between relationships and truly understand what 'Love' is. A 'Soul', which is complete and boundless does not need a mate. Sadhguru looks at the whole idea of 'Soulmate', love and why people come together.

read full article

February 14, 2019

3 min read

Article / Relationships

Father & Son – Why is There Friction?

Family is a basic identity that we are born with. Without the family support, we wouldn't be where we are today, especially because the human being when born, is not ready for survival and needs support. Sadhguru says - "As a child, it is most vital that you are identified with the family. As an adult, you are supposed to grow beyond that". If there are two adult men living in the same space, there is bound to be some friction.

read full article

September 19, 2017

3 min read

Article / Relationships

How To Deal With My Mother-in-Law

Sadhguru says, the identity of a mother or a wife came later, first they were a woman. Sadhguru says - "There is an instinctive rejection or resistance to the new woman coming into the house because you are now required to share someone who belonged to you in an unequal proportion – not even in equal proportions". Though, there is some biological basis to this protective behavior, if one is mature and aware, they can grow out of it.

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April 13, 2017

3 min read

Article / Lifestyle / Society