Journey

How do you parent a young child

6 Talks

This journey of 6 videos from Sadhguru is a must watch for all parents, especially young parents. In this journey, you will take simple, yet deeply impactful steps towards conscious parenting- Why it is important to spend dedicated time with your child, how you should be with them, how to make them look up to you, how you should influence their career choices. You will also get insights into a very common dilemma for working parents, if both parents are working - will the child be lonely?


Preview

How do you parent a young child

3:57 min

You must spend dedicated time with your children

Those who decide to have children must have dedicated time for the child. Not fitting in here, one ten minutes here, ten minutes there. You must have full fledged dedicated time because it is about making the next generation better than who we are.

Those who decide to have children must have dedicated time for the child. Not fitting in here, one ten minutes here, ten minutes there. You must have full fledged dedicated time because it is about making the next generation better than who we are. There is nothing special to be done, you don't have to buy a single toy. You just have to spend time. You just have to expose them to nature. You just have to expose them to various forms of creation. But, just to get rid of the child, you bought him an iPad when he's five. See, you buy him an iPad when he's four or five, don't think it's out of your love. You're being strategic, you want to get rid of him. Get rid of him means, he opens up something, and something something something is happening on the iPad endlessly. So you can go about your business the way you want. I don't think it is necessary for such people to have children. Unless you're willing to have dedicated time, you should not do this crap. Not necessary. Once you have, you must have dedicated time. And first of all, you must fix yourself. You must become that kind of a person the child will look up to and love to be with. Then, even time can be adjusted. If they're really looking up to you, five minutes is worth five days. Five minutes of contact is like five days. Nothing to teach, what's there to teach. What is their to teach? What do you know about life that the child doesn't know, I'm asking. Survival tricks, don't teach them too early. This is a serious problem. These days, I think it's little less than what it used to be before. Three year old child, they're asking, "What do you want to become?" "I want to become pilot." "I want to become commando." These days everybody, all the boy want to become a commando because that's the games they like playing. Because I see in these games, somebody's head falls off. They may become Jihadi Johns. Because right from childhood, they're taking off people's heads. So what do you want to expose your children to is something that every parent needs to think about because it is exposure, it is not moral teaching which is going to stick. It is the exposure that the child is exposed to which is really going to stick right through their life. You must expose them to all the positive, wonderful things. Positive things does not mean right versus wrong. Simply life the way it is. I think, if people want to have children, this may sound extreme, but I would say, at least for two months in a year, those who have children should withdraw into natural space. Not live in their city burrows, or those bird nests of apartments. They must go away at least for two months. It's alright even if you have to live in a tent somewhere, but they must live in nature, the children. Very, very, very important. If you want to have your children physically, mentally healthy and balanced, it is the most important thing.

3:12 min

How to be with your child?

So whenever a child enters people's lives, they always think, it's time to teach. No. When a child enters your life, it's time to learn. Because, between you and your child, who is more joyful? So who should be a consultant for life?

So whenever a child enters people's lives, they always think, it's time to teach. No. When a child enters your life, it's time to learn. Because, between you and your child, who is more joyful? So who should be a consultant for life? Definitely he's better qualified than you, isn't it? You have to teach him a few survival skills that he will learn anyway. You can also guide him a little bit. But when it comes to life, he's able to make any simple situation a joyful situation. So definitely he must be the consultant for life, isn't it? It doesn't matter how glum you are, if you have a child in your house, unknowingly you will laugh. Unknowingly you will play. Unknowingly you will dance. Unknowingly you will crawl under the sofa. These are not things you have done for a long time. So, the most important thing is, don't infect the child with what you call as adulthood. This is not adulthood, okay? This is just suicide in installments. With anything he can make a situation wonderful for himself. It doesn't matter what. You give him a piece of wood, with that he makes his life for the whole afternoon, isn't it? You have to learn to live like him. And, see when you were growing up, whatever problems you had, did you go to your parents or to your friends? Whom did you share it with? Friends. Why is it that parents, who have been with the children right from day 1, can't be good friends? You just have to get off your pedestal. That's the most important thing. And then be a friend. If he has anything, you should be the first person that they share with, isn't it? Yes? That's a very important safety net for the child. It doesn't matter what their problem is, if you leave that level of openness and friendship with them, if they come to you first, there is every possibility that they won't get lost on something, isn't it? Especially, in a society like this, where the moment the child steps out, you don't know what influences are going to catch him up. The most important thing is this, that parents should get off their pedestal and start treating them as equals. This has to happen right from childhood, you know. That he never sees you as somebody who is pushing him around or bossing around or all the time advising him about something. That you are very much a friend, he can talk to you and you talk to him as an equal. If this is maintained right from the beginning, when he is developing and there are possibilities and that he is taking wrong steps and things like that, you will be the first person he comes to. That is something we have to build, isn't it?

3:21 min

How to make my child look up to me?

A child, in many ways, is an impression of all the adults who impact his life. Particularly the parents, teachers, and others. If you want your children to be of a certain quality, the foremost thing that you need to pay attention to is, are you exuding that quality?

A child, in many ways, is an impression of all the adults who impact his life. Particularly the parents, teachers, and others. If you want your children to be of a certain quality, the foremost thing that you need to pay attention to is, are you exuding that quality? What endears a child to everyone is that he's an exuberant life and a bundle of joy most of the time. Unless you cause misery to him. If you want to nurture a child, you must be far more exuberant than the child and much more joyful, then the child is drawn to you. Once the child is drawn to you, it's for you to mould the child as you want. Right now, most children avoid adults because most of them are not exuberant by any standards, neither joyful. Mostly stressed and complaining about their work, about their family, about the world, about everything. Why would a child want to do anything with you when child sees you don't represent life, you represent some other vested interest? If you're interested in really being an impact on your children, you must represent life because they're just life. They have not become other conceited things as you could have. They're simply life. You must represent life. Feeding up on so-called inanimate things like food, water, and air. Life is an exuberant expression of existence. If you do not represent that exuberance, if you do not show that exuberance in your work, in your relaxation, in everything that you do and do not do, then your child will be least impacted by you. And that is a good thing, because if you're so dead serious about your life, and you represent other vested interests of your money, or your status, or your prestige, or something like this, then it is best that the child is not impacted by these things. So if you're really concerned about impacting your child, what is it that your child want to be? Please become that to start with.

2:22 min

Don’t prepare your child for something

Let your children do something that you could not dream of. If you have achieved a certain level of success, you have taken care of bread for your children. So let them live a life where they don't have to think about their bread, that is, they don't live for their survival. They live to create something, that is wonderful for everybody.

Let your children do something that you could not dream of. If you have achieved a certain level of success, you have taken care of bread for your children. So let them live a life where they don't have to think about their bread, that is, they don't live for their survival. They live to create something, that is wonderful for everybody. For himself, and for everybody else. This is the mistake, or this is a fundamental flaw in the education systems of the day. That we think we need to prepare people for something. No, we need to prepare people for nothing. We just have to make people flexible and sharpen their intelligence, sharpen their perception. Whatever is needed, do that. Only thing is, you have to make him an intelligence in such a way that it's flexible and it'll quickly grasp what is around. Perception is sharpened, intelligence is sharpened, but you don't become a concrete block that I'm an engineer, I'm a doctor, I'm this and that. You becoming a concrete block, you can't change yourself. Does it mean to say, no subject needs any training? Yes, it will need. Many subjects need expertise which needs a certain level of application and training. I'm not questioning that. But you don't have to do it early on. Right now, from the age of 3, 4, they're telling I'm going to become an IT engineer, I'm going to become a start-up. Now it's all start-up. Or a doctor, engineer. Everything was doctor at one time, then it became little engineer. Now computer, now start-up. How many start-ups are non-starters in the country? Too many, unfortunately. Because you don't need a start-up cuture, engineering culture, something like this. What you need is that you're a solution seeking generation.

3:22 min

Treat your children as equals from early childhood

If you are a parent - the important thing is, please don’t stand on a big pedestal. The only qualification you have is that you just came here a few years early. So this is the only qualification adults have, that they came here a few years earlier than the younger people. This doesn’t qualify you to advise about everything in the universe. It doesn’t.

If you are a parent - the important thing is, please don’t stand on a big pedestal. The only qualification you have is that you just came here a few years early. So this is the only qualification adults have, that they came here a few years earlier than the younger people. This doesn’t qualify you to advise about everything in the universe. It doesn’t. If you admit your ignorance with the youth, and especially with the little children they will become your close friends. Otherwise they look up to you because they have to, there is a hierarchy business. And of course, everybody hates that hierarchy. Looking up, neck hurts, you know. Nobody likes it. Because in trying to place yourself above, you are losing the possibility of being a good friend. If you are not a good friend, they are not seeking your advice. They are not just in the neighbourhood. Now, globally they seek answers. Okay? You don’t know where their friend is, their friend is in Timbuktu right now, not in the neighbourhood. A relationship is only possible when you are not on the pulpit, you are down on the ground like everybody else. On the same two feet. Then only it’s possible, then only there is a friendship. When there is a friendship, there is room for correction. When there is no friendship, you can say whatever you want, nobody is going to listen anyway. And if you go on giving advice after advice, they will just do the reverse, just to spite you. A whole lot of children do things just because it freaks the parents. Yes or no? They are doing it just to freak the parents, they just enjoy it because of this advice and advice and advice. Advice is sickening, nobody likes advice. But, if there was a bond of friendship, naturally they would listen. That’s what one should earn. The parents and teachers should earn the friendship of the new generation rather than thinking just because you came a few years early, you know the universe. There is no such thing. So just stop advising them. Just be friends with them, play with them, go to the cinema with them, listen to their kind of rap music, dance with them. You will see they will be fond of you. There will be a relationship. Once there is a relationship, you can do something, you can influence them.

2:33 min

If both parents are working, will the child be lonely?

It doesn't mater whether it's a biological parent, or somebody else, but children need a loving, caring atmosphere. It's very important. Just putting nourishment into their stomach is not the only thing. They need some tending, attending to. Somebody should smile at them, somebody should laugh at them, somebody should do something with them, play with them. This is very needed. Otherwise, children will grow up little sick in their head.

When I was growing as a child, both my parents were working. And there were times when I was feeling lonely and very miserable. Although, my parents did give their part of comfort to me, there were times I was feeling lonely on the inside. And, what can our future parents, or what can we do to our kids, to not feel the same way? Thank you. Well, in India, this is the first generation where women have stepped out to work. Professionally. Otherwise, because we were largely an agricultural community, women worked, but in and around the house. And if they went somewhere to the field, they took the children and went. So, always, like you see ducks and chickens, if the hen goes, behind that the chicks run. Like that children were always running behind women. So she was always doing her work, and still managing and tending to them. And they was a certain cohesiveness to that. But today women are going to the office, or to the factory, or to some other business. So they can't take their children there. This is the first generation of women who've stepped out. So in the society, we still don't have arrangements. Proper arrangements, where children can be properly tended to. That system, that facility, and that arrangement, is simply not happened in the society yet. I hope it happens quickly because it's very important. It doesn't mater whether it's a biological parent, or somebody else, but children need a loving, caring atmosphere. It's very important. Just putting nourishment into their stomach is not the only thing. They need some tending, attending to. Somebody should smile at them, somebody should laugh at them, somebody should do something with them, play with them. This is very needed. Otherwise, children will grow up little sick in their head. It is not necessary only a biological mother should do it, but there must be a committed person doing this. It's very, very important for the child. Unfortunately in this society, we still don't have those arrangements.