Does meditation affect your sexuality?

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Wisdom For Seekers


I want to know whether there is any correlation between sex, love, and meditation?


Duration: 10 min


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8 min read

Does meditation affect your sexuality?

The following is an unedited transcript of Sadhguru's video. For better readability, breaks and highlights have been added by the editors.

Questioner: Love is categorized into various types, like maternal love, paternal love, love between siblings, between spouses, between man and woman. I want to know whether there is any correlation between sex, love, and meditation? That is the first question. Second is, Shiv and Shakti; Shakti is energy, and energy is matter. Can we say it is consciousness – if we can translate it into English – consciousness and matter?

Sadhguru: Second question – no. It’s a complete… there’s too much of wrong depiction happening. I don’t know if we have the time to look at that, because that’s a certain dimension of life which has to be looked at in a certain way.

Love is not about somebody – please understand. A relationship is about somebody.

For the first one, there is… see, I think we’ve already gone through this. See, love is not about somebody – please understand. A relationship is about somebody. We hold different relationship with different kinds of people, isn’t it? Depending upon what is the nature of activity we are in.

Now, your child comes here, out of your love, you grab him and put him on your lap. Your neighbor comes – please don’t do that. But can you love your neighbor equally like this [hold Namskar], without grabbing him? Yes, or no? So, your mother comes, you go and do this [touch her feet] and express your love. Your dog comes, [cuddle] ‘bhu, bhu, bhu, bhu, bhu,’ you do.

Can you love your dog as much as your mother, I’m asking you? “Oh, dog and mother, he’s comparing!” Stupid nonsense; tell me, when you’re really feeling wonderful about your dog, is it any less than anything, or any more than anything? Hmm? Love is not about somebody, it’s the way you are within yourself. But we hold different relationships. Our relationship with the dog is one way, with our mother another way, with our child another way, with a friend another way, with a working relationship it’s another way. Relationships are transactions. Transactions have to be managed sensibly. You can’t hold same transaction with everybody – polygamy.

Love is not about somebody, it’s the way you are within yourself

Kunal Kohli: Why am I being made the poster boy for that?

Sadhguru: Not you! Not you – it’s a concept. It’s a concept. You’re not the only one who is aspiring for that. So, it’s a… conceptually, it is just that.

Every relationship, it’s a different kind of transaction, isn’t it? And if you do not know what is the purpose of the transaction, and the nature of this transaction, you will obviously mess it up. You will obviously mess it up, it doesn’t matter how close they are to you, you will see… many number of people it’s happened, people who thought they are one and they’ll never get separated, are in horrible, hateful situations between them. Not because of anything else, not because they’re bad people, not because something else, just that you do not understand the limitations of… you mistake action, and the way to be.

Love is a certain way to be. Relationship is a transaction

Love is a certain way to be. Relationship is a transaction. Transaction has to go by the laws of the transaction. If you try to push it beyond that, it will break. But how you feel within yourself, nobody has any business with it, nobody should be able to do anything about it. You feel wonderful within yourself, in your thought, in your emotion, in your body, in your energies – this is the way you should be. If you’re feeling sweet in your emotion, you are loving towards everything that you set your eyes upon, but the transaction is different.

How I am, how I transact with somebody, I cannot transact with you just like that, isn’t it? But I don’t have to feel any different, because this is the way I’ve decided to be within myself. So, you need to have this understanding – what is ‘being’, what is ‘doing’. If this distinction is not there, then you’ll mix it up, and you think this is that, that is this. “I love you” is a fake statement; “I am in love” – all right. I can’t love you – it’s not possible. I can transact with you in a certain way, but I am loving. Because I am loving, the transaction also has that quality. If I am not loving, the transaction will not have that quality, isn’t it?

Questioner: Sir, my question was the correlation between sex, love and meditation. Is there any correlation?

Sadhguru: Is there any correlation between sex, love, and meditation? I thought we separated sex and love sufficiently. Sexuality means… I’m not trying to make a moral judgment on it, I have no such thing about it.

It is just that your intelligence has been hijacked by your hormones. When you were 10 years of age, you looked at this boy, or this girl – they were just human beings. Suddenly, you became 12, 14, you look at them, suddenly… small changes in the shape of the body are looking like a whole universe, all of a sudden. Yes, or no? Why? Because you have been chemically poisoned from internally.

This is nature’s trick of somehow seeing that you reproduce. Don’t think nature is interested whether you love somebody, or you don’t love somebody. Nature is interested that you reproduce, because otherwise the species will end. All this drama around it needs to happen because if you simply go for reproduction, you feel like an animal. Having evolved beyond that, somehow you feel uncomfortable.

So, you want to add all these songs – what are the dialogues? Sing one song from… You have to do all this to make you feel like it’s something else, it’s not about this. But, no – sexuality is just that, hormonally driven. Is it good, bad? There is no such judgment. It’s not for you to judge it’s good or bad. The question is for you personally, how strong a force is it within you? Do you want to dedicate your life for that, or no? That’s something that you have to take a call.

How is it connected to meditation? The word ‘meditation’ in English language doesn’t mean anything, actually. That’s why everybody uses it. If you close your eyes and sit, in English they will say you’re meditating. With eyes closed you can do many things. You can do japa, tapa, dharana, dhyana, samadhi, Shoonya – any number of things, or you might have just mastered the art of sleeping in vertical postures. Who knows what you’re doing with your eyes closed?! Different things you can do.

So, if we assume that meditation means dhyana, again, the word “dhyana” is being used too loosely, it is not specific in today’s usage, but it has a specific meaning. It means that if you sit here, your body is here your mind is there [at a distance] what is you is somewhere else [at a distance]. That means, these 3 identities are separate in your experience. Once these 3 things are separate, then where is the question of asking, “The process of the body, the process of the mind, what has it got to do with this? Is there a correlation?” No, there isn’t.

Now, “Oh, so if I meditate, I can’t have sex. If I have sex, I can’t meditate” – that’s not the thing. Meditation is not an act, it’s a quality. If you cultivate your body, mind, energy, and emotion to a certain level of maturity, you become meditative – it is like the fragrance of a flower. If the flower has blossomed, there is fragrance. If a flower doesn’t blossom, you can spray something and go, but it will not be the same. There is a difference between what exudes from within you, and what you put on from outside. There’s a big, huge difference – it’s a question of life and death; the difference is between life and death. You can even make a dead body smell good if you spray something, but that’s different. Exuding a certain fragrance is completely different.

Meditativeness is a quality, not an act

So, meditation is a quality. Meditativeness is a quality, not an act. “If I do this, is it meditation?” No. “If I do that, is it meditation?” No. “If I do that, is it meditation?” Yes. “This is meditation?” Yes. I think this will put you in the right perspective.

It once happened. This is a Sufi master called Ibrahim. Ibrahim gathered a few people in his place, and he was trying to train people. One evening, two of his disciples meet, and they’re frustrated, and one guy says, “Hey, I want to smoke, but I don’t know what the master will say.” The other guy says, “Even I want to smoke. Then, why don’t we ask him?” They decide to ask him separately.

Next day evening, one guy is sitting there in the garden frustrated, another guy comes smoking. “Hey, you’re smoking? Master told me not to smoke, and you’re smoking?” That guy asked, “What did you ask the master?” He said, “I asked him, ‘Can I smoke when I’m meditating?’ He said, ‘No’.” “Ah, that’s your problem. I asked him, ‘Can I meditate when I’m smoking?’ He said, ‘Yes.’”

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