VVS Laxman: Hey Sadhguru. I want to know the truth about parenting. As a child, and youth, I wanted to be free. Wanted to live my life, on my terms. I think, it’s the same for every generation. Is it ok to give our kids the freedom, and allow them to make their decision. Where do we draw the line? Or should we draw the line at all? What is your advice for us to be perfect parents?
Sadhguru: Namaskaram Laxman. We have thoroughly enjoyed the skills that are hidden in your wrists, on the cricket field, of course.
This idea that we have to raise our children, is a very Western idea
And, when it comes to parenting. See this idea that we have to raise our children, is a very Western idea. You just have to allow them to grow. You should not raise them. You only raise cattle. You don’t raise human beings. You just have to create an atmosphere of love, joy, and responsibility.
In your question you used the word ‘freedom’. Freedom is a bad word. You should never utter the word freedom. Nor should your children get used to the word freedom. You must always bring a sense of responsibility for their well-being, their health, their growth, and their ability to respond to every dimension of life. This must be brought into their life. If there is necessary responsible existence, freedom is a consequence.
This is the fundamental problem we have in the world today, because we have become goal-oriented. We’re interested in the consequence, we’re not interested in the process. If you want flowers in the garden, you don’t talk about flowers. If you’re a good gardener, you will never talk about flowers. You will talk about soil, manure, water, sunlight. If you manage these things, wonderful flowers will come. Similarly if you manage the conditions necessary for a beautiful blossoming of a child, then children will blossom. But if you try to raise them according to the moulds that one may hold in their own minds, every child will rebel, because no life can fit into the moulds that you create in your mind.
Above all, in their parents, let the children never see resentment, jealousy, frustration, depression, anger
Life cannot fit into the moulds of the mind. Mind has to fit into our life. This must be understood. So let’s not have big ideas about how to raise a child. Just maintain an atmosphere of absolute love, joyfulness, and responsibility. Above all, in their parents, let the children never see resentment, jealousy, frustration, depression, anger. You will see your children will blossom absolutely wonderfully, because if you take care of the process, the results will come. But if you’re focused on the consequence and not taking care of the process, your consequence, or the consequence that you desire, will just be a dream.