Questioner: Namaskaram Sadhguru. I am in a relationship with very bitter person, who is not interested in spirituality. How can I handle my relationship without losing my way on the spiritual path?
Sadhguru: If your concern is your spiritual growth only, then if you have a demon for your partner, that’s the best thing. But [if] your partner, your husband, wife is not just about spiritual growth, [and] you also want to have a pleasant life in the family, then you have to choose. Someone who like, whom you like but little…. there is a…. any human being on the planet, there is something that you don’t like about them. Isn’t it so? So, you use that part of it, for your spiritual growth and the rest of it you enjoy. Just as life.
If your concern is your spiritual growth only, then if you have a demon for your partner, that’s the best thing
So if your intention is to have a good family, then some rapport is needed between two people. Otherwise it won’t work. Especially if you have produced children, then rapport is must. Otherwise you’ll foul the new life that’s come up. If you create a foul atmosphere, you’ll foul up the new life that is coming up. Nobody has any right to do that, actually. But people are doing it, but no human being has any right. You can mess yourself up as much as you want, that’s up to you. But you can’t mess up a fresh life that’s just coming up.
So, if you’re looking for good life, family life, then one has to find rapport. And that rapport means, some areas of commonality at least. But if you’re looking for spiritual life, it doesn’t matter what kind of person he is. You can use everything for your growth. Everything, for your growth, if that’s all your focus is. But generally your focus is both ways. You want to have a little bit of that and a little bit of this. So mixed fair, so it gets a little complex. So, to build a rapport takes effort, takes compromise, takes love, endurance, takes endurance, you know. Somebody is constantly like this, you want to build a rapport with that person but you don’t want to go his way. That takes lots of endurance. Yes or no?
Transform yourself in such a way, being in your presence unknowingly their cup will turn around
People whom you love are not easy. So, what can you do? One thing is to transform yourself in such a way, being in your presence unknowingly their cup will turn around..
Just yesterday some… you know, the other day I just went out in the rain. I went out and it started raining, and… I was carrying both my India phones because I was expecting some calls. One is India, one is Europe, one is America – 3 phones I had. One, I had in my jacket, other in my trouser pockets. And by the time I got here, it got wet and both the phones just burnt up. Then people around me were telling me, why carry two phones, now we can have two SIM cards in one phone. If you hold it like ‘this’, you can speak on the India SIM card. If you turn it around, it just shifts into the other SIM card. You don’t have to switch anything. Just – ‘this’ way it handles one SIM card. If you turn it around, it handles another SIM card. You have to become like this!
I was very suspicious of this phone. I didn’t get it. But you must become like this, if you wish to take people who are around you with you. If you want to walk alone, very easy. If you want to take people with you, then it takes a considerable amount of effort. When Gautama was asked this question – is it better to walk alone on the path, or with a companion? He’s not like me, he’s dry! He said – It’s better to walk alone, than to walk with a fool. He is not saying, don’t walk with anybody. He is not saying, don’t have companion. But he said, it’s better to walk alone, than walk with a fool. Because they can drain you. They can take such a lot of energy, and time, and… You don’t know, they may be stronger than you, and they may take you their way, than you taking them your way. There is every possibility. Yes!
As far as your spiritual process is concerned, anyway you are alone
So, I won’t say what Gautama said. All I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter how you walk. As far as your spiritual process is concerned, anyway you are alone. Nobody is with you. It’s only the bodily process, the material process of life, which you can share with people. You come alone, and you go alone, isn’t it? Even if you have a twin brother, or a twin sister – you still come alone, and go alone. Isn’t it so? So, when it comes to the spirit, anyway you walk alone. So, don’t mix that up… So, that part of it you handle well. The material part of it, according to your capability, to what extent you can do it, you do it.
They come your way, it’s wonderful. If they don’t, it’s alright. Don’t grudge them. It’s just that, you don’t have to go that way. Maybe someday, when the doctor tells you, your liver is in a bad state, he may seek di-vine, you know. Yes! Have you seen people, who are walking in the morning. Not everybody, there are certain type of people. These are all over 50-55 age group people. They have become lean, and they are walking briskly. Everyday, religiously they are there. These are all people who generally had a cardiac problem. They almost died. Then their doctor told them, either you do this or you are gone. Now their walking is like a religion. Not Sunday morning, every morning. Have you seen those people? Suddenly they transform. They eat properly, they do everything properly – because the fear of life and death has come.
You make sure the spiritual part of your life you handle it 100% properly
So different people need different kinds of impetus. If you are sensible, you learn by just looking. If you are not sensible, you learn by thrashing. Life will thrash you. The material part of your life is never 100% proper, never can be. Isn’t it so? Is there any family which is a perfect family! Is there any relationship which is a perfect relationship! Is there any business which is a perfect business! Is there any career which is a perfect career! There is no such thing. Don’t seek that. The life will become wasteful, and fanciful, if you seek such things. They all happen to the extent you are capable of handling them, that’s all.
So, you make sure the spiritual part of your life you handle it 100% properly.