Mouni Roy: My question is – complexities of any relationship. Why do they, beyond a point, become complex. Whether it’s between girlfriends, whether it is between boyfriends, especially relationship between a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and husband-wife.
Sadhguru: Namaskaram Mouni.So, you are beginning to taste the sourness of relationships. Of course everybody knows the sweetness of relationships too! But, there is also lot of sourness.
Unfortunately today we have imbibed this – from the West again – that if you utter the word relationship, people are generally thinking of body-based relationships. Or in some way, it has to be between a man and a woman, or whatever else. But essentially, body-based relationship. No, relationships can be of many kinds.
If they’re body-based relationships, usually the excitement about each other’s body will die after some time. What you thought was ultimate, is not ultimate after some time. It is natural that you begin to grow out of it. Then, when the main draw which brought people together is kind of melting away – without knowing why, they start being unpleasant to each other. Because essentially such a relationship is towards extracting sweetness from another person. Extracting happiness from another person.
If they’re body-based relationships, usually the excitement about each other’s body will die after some time
So if you try to squeeze joy out of somebody, after some time you find, when it doesn’t yield the same result as it used to yield in the beginning, some bitterness will begin. It is important – when you’re young certain things may happen, as you start growing older… When I say older, from yesterday to today, you’re older. I’m not saying you are old Mouni. I am just saying, from yesterday to today you are a little older. So today you must be thinking in terms of that… relationships that you hold in your life, not necessarily in terms of biological relationships – any kind of relationship that you hold.
If relationship is based on your expression of joy, not on extraction of joy – for this, you must become joyful by your own nature first of all. If you focus on this, that you are an exuberant overflow of joy, if it so and your relationship is only about sharing this, then you don’t have to worry about the normal circus that people go through in terms of relationships.
Managing relationships means – in day to day life a relationship may not stay just in one area of life. Once people are together, they will have to share many things. Naturally, you will start stepping on each other’s toes for many many small things that happen. Because of this there will be many interactions, or you can even call them altercations. They will happen. All this you cannot manage on a daily basis. People think they can manage. After some time you will see you cannot manage.
Best thing is to manage yourself in such a way that you’re a natural exuberant, joyful being. If this is so, relationships will happen
So the best thing is to manage yourself in such a way that you’re a natural exuberant, joyful being. If this is so, relationships will happen. And relationships will not be need-based. When relationships are need-based – if what you need does not come, you will start cribbing, you will start complaining and you will start feeling bitter that what you are supposed to get, you’re not getting. If you eliminate this need within you, that you are a natural overflow of joy. If this one thing you do, you can have fabulous relationships with every kind of people, irrespective of who they are. They don’t have to be your kind. With all sorts of people you can hold wonderful relationships.
May you have the most beautiful relationships in your life.