Questioner: Namaskaram Sadhguru. My name is Kshitij. And, in this big jigsaw puzzle that we are navigating, a small part of it is our dating life, and our relationships. And, that’s what we as a company help the youth, let’s say from 18-40, 45 years of age. Help them navigate. And, one of the big questions that comes up every time, and this is very true for our own personal relationships is – when should you end a romantic relationship, or continue to work on it? Because, when we’ve grown up. we’ve seen our parents…it’s not a very…
Sadhguru: It’s no more janam, janam – gone…
Questioner: Exactly. No, no… not janam, janam. Just this janam becomes so difficult. But, there’s that part…
Sadhguru: Monthly, monthly… is it?
Sadhguru: See, we are looking at everything – with an expiry date for everything – includes human relationships. See, there are various types of relationships. But, today, you are in Mumbai, and you are using the word ‘relationships’, as American’s use it, that it has to be a body based relationship. It need not be.
We have variety of relationships. We have business relationships. We have family relationships. We have friends. We have other kinds of relationships, isn’t it?
Romance means, that you are looking at the beautiful side of life
First of all, romance means, that you are looking at the beautiful side of life, essentially. It’s romantic to watch the sunset, because most people are watching this phone screen – sunset also they watch it there later in the night. So, essentially romance means, you are looking at the beautiful aspects of life. So, just because a man and woman are together, it doesn’t mean there is romance happening. Because, human relationships are still need based. Physical needs, psychological needs, emotional needs, social needs, financial needs, variety of needs are there. To fulfil those needs, people come together. But, this particular relationship, which you call as romantic relationship, a whole lot of time there is no romance there, just compulsions being fulfilled. There are compulsive things happening, which need to be addressed.
So, some people address their compulsions gracefully. Some people address it in ugly ways, in graceless ways. Where your emotions are involved, where your body is involved – thought is different. See with thought – I can play with you right now, next moment I can withdraw – it’s very agile. But, once emotions and body plays, the imprint of that within you is much deeper than thought process, isn’t it so? Once that imprint has happened, if you go on – because there is a dating app, and whatever you call it – what do you call it? Dating app.
Some people address their compulsions gracefully. Some people address it in ugly ways
So, because there is an app like you – you are looking up, whether I go Swiggy or Uber Eat or this or that, this restaurant, that restaurant – ok, order from all the five restaurants. People are doing this, alright. So, because there is an app for relationships, if you start doing that, it looks like you are very smart. Because, on one app you are with this one, on another app you are with that one, with another app you are with that one. The three of them never meet – hopefully! The city is big enough. And, it need not be in the same city.
See, technology is a tremendous tool. We must see how to enhance our lives with this. Because that’s the idea of technology. Why we came up with so many machine. See, suppose you were made like a tree, i.e. you were rooted in one place – would you have made or invented a bicycle? I’m asking you! No, because you already had mobility, you came up with higher level of mobility. Because of that – further, further, further – see, where all we are going. We are. getting into space. Only because we have mobility. Because we can speak, we came up with the microphone. If we had no speech, would we ever come up with a microphone? Telephone? Because we can see, we came up with a microscope, telescope, all kinds of scopes.
So, essentially every machine, every technology that we have done till now, is an extension of the faculty that we already have. So, you are capable of – you know, if you are in 60s-70s, you only fall in love with your neighbourhood girl, whoever she was. Now, you can fall in love with somebody who is 10,000 miles away. And, with 10 different, at every 1,000 miles. Because you are using my 30,000 – so, I’m getting back at you!
So, there is a certain facility, which is nice. Because otherwise, your parents would search for somebody, and say – this is the girl for you. Why – because her stars are good, her father is good, and whatever. Why should I be telling you all this but – when I was to marry. I just met this girl, and I just know her pet name. I don’t even really know her full name. I decided, this is it. Then, I went and told my father. He says – who is her father? What does he do? Where are they? I said – I don’t know what the hell he is. “No, You don’t know the father. You don’t know the family? You don’t know anything? How will you marry her?” I said – See, I’m marrying only the girl. I have no intention of marrying the father. Just the girl. Well, I was never looking for anything in my life. I thought these things are not for me, because I was too busy doing what I’m doing. The moment she saw me, she burst into tears, and she had no other way. She just started following me wherever I went. So, I said, this is it.
Love need not be managed. Deals have to be managed properly – it’s a give and take
Anyone of them, if they feel there is no way – then yes. But not everybody may come to that kind of thing. Then you have to make a deal. Deals have to be managed. Love need not be managed. Deals have to be managed properly – it’s a give and take. Only one way transactions won’t work. Hello! In anything, whether it is marriage or marketplace, both the parties must benefit, otherwise it’s not going to work, isn’t it?
So, if you just take this much – that once you really meet somebody and you feel that this is a good person for me. And I like this, and I’m drawn. Without wanting to think about them, you are thinking about them. When you look at the textbook, their face appears. You look at the cinema, their face appears. If such a thing is happening, you should not make a deal. You should surrender to that. Because, sweetness of emotion is the best thing that can happen to you. You can call it whatever you want.
When you are emotionally feeling sweet, you have the best deal with life
When you are emotionally feeling sweet, you have the best deal with life. Don’t give that up, for somebody who is a little prettier, or richer, or stronger, or this, or that. You will be making an ass out of yourself.