What is my responsibility as a parent?

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Questioner: Sadhguru, I am a mother of a girl child. What is my responsibility as a mother? Actually, I don’t know.


Duration: 5 min


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What is my responsibility as a parent?

The following is an unedited transcript of Sadhguru's video. For better readability, breaks and highlights have been added by the editors.

Questioner: Sadhguru, I am a mother of a girl child. What is my responsibility as a mother? Actually, I don’t know.

Sadhguru: Your mother of a what child?

Questioner: Girl child.

Sadhguru: Only your neighbour should see whether your daughter or your child is a girl or a boy. You should never see whether this is a girl or a boy. That’s the best thing. Neighbourhood boys will see that this is a girl, that’s okay. You should not be wondering whether this is a boy or a girl. This is just a child.

And the best thing you can do for your child is – if you think the way you are is everything, naturally your aspiration will be they should become like you. Which will be a backward step for next generation of people. What the next generation should be? What you cannot imagine, that’s what they should be. If you mould them, how will you mould them? Like yourself? And maybe your parents were better at moulding than you. So, you do a worst job than them. Because probably, your mother, your father – at least for your mother, it was a full time job – moulding business. You are part time moulder – we can imagine what you will do. Don’t try to mould them.

A child needs a stable, pleasant atmosphere to grow

A child needs a stable, pleasant atmosphere to grow. To create a joyful… I’m saying, first joyful. First joyful then loving. Do you understand? Otherwise this is just bloody sappy love without any joy and bliss around, it will make people miserable over a period of time. First joyful atmosphere. If you’re capable of holding it, then you can add a little bit of your love to it. Children will need your love and attention till they’re 5-6-7. After that they want to distance themselves, they want to become their own thing. And it’s fine. You just… your only business is to keep them in a very joyful, and loving incubator.

Of course there will be somebody else on the street, who will be trying to do something else with them. Those influences are always there. You should not protect them entirely from those things, because someday they have to get out. But your business is not to mould them.

One thing your child should not become is, they should not become like you

One thing your child should not become is, they should not become like you. They should become something more than you, what you are, isn’t it? Your idea of something more is – they must earn more than you, they must have a bigger car, bigger house. This is unfortunate. If you are this joyful, they should become more joyful than you. If you are this intelligent, they should become more intelligent than you. If you’re this balanced, they must be far more balanced than you. Yes? If your life is this rich, their life must be much richer.

Richness not… the richness of your child’s life, or your life for that matter, should never never be a contribution from what you have. What you have gathered should never enhance your life. Please get this for yourself and your child. Who you are is who you are. What you have is, to what extent it’s useful to us, we’ll have those things, everything. Whatever we can use and enjoy, we will have. But never try to enhance your life – never try to enhance who you are – by what you wear, by where you live, what you own. These things should be useful. We will use them to the limit – no problem. But they should not enhance who you are.

Who you are should happen from within you. If your child grows into this, whatever he or she becomes, it’s fine. They need not be like you. Once you don’t have this problem, that they don’t have to be like you, then you will see it’s such a joy and freedom to raise your child. Your only struggle is they are not like you. Yes? Daily struggles with the children is just this – they are not shaping up like you. How glad I am!


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