Questioner: Thank you very much. So, the next question – the next topic that this question sort of revolves around is love and relationships, which I know a lot of young people, a lot of students, not even just young people, adults even! It’s – everyone, everyone at some point in their life, hopefully. So, love is such like a universal topic. It’s in movies, songs, it seems like such a basic component of life. Yet it’s really hard for us to define it.
It’s really hard for us to truly know, when we’re in love. To truly know if it’s the right kind of love. If it actually is love, if it’s just infatuation. If you feel really strongly it must be love, because you can’t get them out of your head. So, this can be, and maybe that’s just me as a young person. But yeah, so love can be a very, very big topic. So, the question that we have, that we’ve sourced from the U of T community is – what does it mean to love someone, both unconditionally and healthily?
Sadhguru: Unconditionally? Hello? Does anybody know what’s unconditionally? There are always conditions. Are they reasonable conditions or unreasonable conditions, that’s the only way you can distinguish? But what is very reasonable for me, may be unreasonable for you. What is very reasonable for you, may be unreasonable for me – so, friction happens.
The problem is this, that we are calling human transactions as ‘Love.’ Human transactions are human transactions. People come together for various needs. If you have to learn together, you form one kind of group. Maybe two people will sit in the library and study, they were only discussing the subject I mean to say. You also went to the library but…
So, people may come together because they have physical needs. People may come together because they have psychological needs. People may come together because they have emotional needs, financial or social needs, all right, or maybe a combination of all those things put together. So, these transactions, everybody has to do. Various levels of life, different types of transactions.
So, what we’re calling as ‘love’ is a certain sweetness of emotion within you. Right now, your condition may be such you’re not able to trigger the sweetness of your emotion without the help of somebody. I’m not willing to point at anybody because this will be misunderstood. Without the help of another person, you are not able to trigger the sweetness of your emotions. Now you think, only with ‘this’ person my emotions can be sweet.
I’m asking you, whether it’s love or hate, anger or tranquility, whatever or whatever, pleasure or pain, even light or darkness, does it happen within you or outside of you? Within you! What happens within you, if it needs an outside push that means you are a low-tech machine, you know. In 1950’s, if you owned a car, morning if you have to start it means you need two people to help you, otherwise it won’t start. But today all the cars, even in extreme cold, self-start, isn’t it? Isn’t it time you upgrade your technology, that if you sit here, you can sit here lovingly? Not because of her or him or him or her or her. Just like that, you can sit here lovingly. If there’s somebody you can share, nobody – you can sit here lovingly, what’s stopping you?
So, if you made yourself as a human being with a joyful mind and a loving heart, then you will conduct transactions, various transactions in a sensible, graceful manner. Those are called relationships. Love is one aspect which is within you. Relationship is a transaction, the other person is involved, this is always a compromise. There’s no perfect relationship anywhere. Yes or no? There is a give and take. If you are running the relationship fifty-one percent your way, you’re doing great. Sometimes the percentage tilts in their favor. You try to push it in your favor – transaction. But any transaction will sustain only if it’s beneficial for both the parties.
Whether it’s marketplace, friendship, marriage, whatever – it will only sustain if it’s beneficial for both the parties, isn’t it? So, you have to ensure even if the other person is not competent to benefit or doesn’t have the push to benefit, you must make sure the person benefits, otherwise it will not sustain. Even if you’re doing business, I’m telling you – if you want continued customer-ship from somebody, you must make sure he benefits, even if he doesn’t ask for it. Hello? Yes or no? Then relationship will sustain.
So, do not misunderstand these two things. I know it’s – because you’re going by pop culture of songs, music, Broadway and Hollywood. Leave that alone. You look at it from your perspective – human emotion and human thought happens within you. If this [self] happens the way you want it. Will you keep this [self] very pleasant or unpleasant? Pleasant. If you keep it pleasant, you are naturally loving, your emotions are sweet. If your emotions are sweet, will people want to be with you? Of course, they want to be with you. Yes or no? You don’t have to do any circus to have them.
If you are a very wonderful human being, they desperately want to be with you, isn’t it? You don’t have to do any tricks to have them with you. So, relationship becomes easy. Whichever way you play, it works. You don’t have to be unnecessarily conscious – what to do, what not to do, how not to hurt that person –nothing. When you are a wonderful human being, when your thought is joyful, your emotion is sweet and loving – you can conduct your relationships whichever way you want and it’ll work, because they want it. All right? So, you must make yourself wanted. That’s what I’m telling you.